long distance is hard
If you have been following me for awhile and have read my blog, “engaged at a young age”, then you know that my fiancé and I have done long distance before. We had been officially been dating for about a month and a half when he left for the first time back in February. He ended up being gone for about three months.
Harrison had the entire summer off, and once again, we are long distance. He left September 10th. I had to go a whole month without seeing him. He works either a twelve hour day or night… six days/nights a week. While he was working his first outage this fall season, he had to work nights. I was an hour ahead. So, when I was falling asleep on my phone every night at 2am, it was only 1am for him.
Words of affirmation and quality time are my two biggest love languages. Waking up and not getting to talk to Harrison until almost 5pm was really hard some days. Our time spent “together” was by FaceTiming, texting, snapchatting, and sending funny DMs to each other. We FaceTimed every single day. Somedays, we had to FaceTime during his breaks.
We worked hard to get into a good schedule. Both of us put time aside for each other, and made sure to be extra loving during our time when we could talk. I look back and still can’t believe how smoothly it went. I remember going from nonstop sobbing for three hours when I found out he had to work nights to watching our love grow so strong and being completely at peace.
Long distance is hard, and I hate it. It is easy to say that your partner is your best friend, but if you have ever been around Harrison and I, you can see for yourself how close we are. We are always laughing, always touching, and always having a good time no matter what we are doing.
I also am just downright terrible at goodbyes. Two chapters out of the nineteen in my book are about how much goodbyes hurt me. So when the clock started to countdown to Harrison’s leaving, I could feel myself becoming overwhelmed. We get along so well, and we spend a lot of time together. I enjoy his company so much. Being separated is extremely hard.
The differences between the first time and this time are :
Our love is much deeper.
We are engaged which is reassuring in terms of “stability”.
Planning a wedding long distance is new for us lol.
We can take comfort in knowing this is the last time we will have to be separated.
There were many comforting things about this time. I could write many blogs about Harrison and I. I could share so many amazing memories and funny times we have had together. There would be so much for me to say. Give me one hour and count how many times I say his name.
The worst part of long distance is definitely anticipation. The days counting down till his leaving were absolute torture. My mind was coming up with a million worries a minute, and every time, I looked at Harrison’s face I wanted to cry. We would hug, kiss, cuddle, and hold hands, and all I could think was how much I would miss it all. I have never been a real touchy person, but the more I have been with Harrison, the more I love and appreciate every little touch. So wrapping my head around the fact that I wouldn’t have that was both heartbreaking and very stressful.
My emotions were everywhere. One minute I would be laughing and the next I would be crying. I was hardly sleeping. I was really letting anxiety get the best of me, and I was just allowing for myself to get overwhelmed. It definitely wasn’t pretty haha.
So where are we now?
I have been with Harrison for almost a week in TN. I have LOVED every minute. We got to spend a few days together before he started training. (Training are shorter days before he has to start twelve hour shifts.) He will be here for a month or so, and then, he will have the winter off. I don’t mind being on my own while he’s working. I am currently at a local coffee shop writing this blog. My favorite thing to do is look forward to him coming home (as cheesy as it sounds lol). I don’t know the exact day I will be leaving, but I can’t even think or begin to talk about it anyways. I will hopefully be able to come back every day he has off. (Praying he gets day shift…)
I used to hate being away from home and being in new places. Then, I met Harrison, and realized anywhere he is… is home.
Long distance does show me how to be grateful. I am so thankful for FaceTime. Being able to not only hear Harrison but see him is the best part of my day when we are apart. I look forward to it all day. Our reunions are the always the sweetest and so full of love. Just being Harrison’s fiance is enough to make me so grateful. So although, it felt terrible to have to say goodbye and be separated once again, I am so grateful that it is me God chose to be with Harrison. I am ready to get married, and go everywhere with him. We are in the final stretch, and I plan on making the most of it.
Thanks so much for reading!! Don’t forget to keep up with me on social media to see when I post!! Feel free to chat with me on here or on Instagram!! I love hearing from you guys!! You’re all loved and appreciated!!
PEACE OUT UNTIL NEXT TIME!! <3 <3 <3