i waited till marriage
Updated: Sep 11, 2021
"But because of the temptation
to sexual immorality,
each man should have his own wife
and each woman her own husband."
1 Corinthians 7:2
(**Disclaimer : This is what I believe in. There are many Bible verses that back up my belief. However, my intention is not to shame / point my finger at those who have chosen otherwise. Condemning / judging others is not my job. If you are a Christian looking for answers, the Bible is full of verses that discuss sex before and during marriage. As for this blog, think of this blog as either Christian guidance for those who haven't chosen whether they want to wait or not and/or just wanting to hear from someone who was abstinent and got married. I talked about abstinence briefly two blogs ago and have decided to just go ahead and discuss it.)
I wrote a blog on this before, but when I wrote it, I was still a virgin and wasn't dating at the time. If you would like to read that blog, you can find "let's talk about sex" @ newkindofliving.blogspot.com
Now that I am married, I have much more to say on the topic.
I think one of the biggest things people think of when they hear "abstinence" is "toxic" purity culture. I know many people who grew up in the church had to deal with this, and even if they did wait, it impacted their views on sex a lot. I believe the church doesn't discuss this part of life enough. We know it's a gift God gave to us, but yet, so many people are lead to believe those feelings are sinful. Discussing sex can seem inappropriate, and so, there just isn't a whole lot said about it.
I was lucky enough to not be immersed in toxic purity culture. I was just taught that God intended sex for marriage. No one scared me into making that decision. If you read my blog, "why do I believe in God?", I said the phrase, "it just makes sense", A LOT. To me abstinence was just another, "it makes sense" to me type of thing.
It isn't as impossible as one would think to abstain. I stayed abstinent in a four year relationship prior to meeting my now husband. I was firm on staying a virgin. I knew if I would have lost my virginity I would have struggled with guilt and would have ended up leaving that relationship. Just the thought of dealing with that guilt kept me from giving in to any temptations.
So when I left that relationship and found myself on dating apps, I put it in my bio, and bluntly stated that if they weren't into that to not message me. I refused to be pressured. Some guys praised me for it while others shamed me. When guys were annoyed by it, I simply blocked them. If I could wait four years in a previous relationship, a little longer was nothing to me.
"...you were bought at a price.
Therefore honor God with your bodies."
1 Corinthians 6:20
My husband and I happily waited. My abstinence had nothing to do with attraction nor being too prude / innocent. I wanted to glorify God in my relationship, and I truly believe that pushing past that temptation did bring God glory. It also showed me how committed my husband was to me (since there wasn't a huge physical aspect in our relationship). He loved me before having sex with me.
People, who hear I was abstinent, could easily assume that is why we married so quickly. Of course as a loving couple, we looked forward to it. We also just happened to be blessed with financial stability and no ties to school. My husband was able to buy a house for us. We were ready to live together and do life together. It all went so much deeper than just having sex.
Some may find this an uncomfortable thing to talk about online, but I truly believe it is important to talk about. Abstinence seems to become a rarer and rarer choice these days. There are many assumptions and stereotypes that have been said about it that I believe need to be put to rest.
I was told many times that my first time would be awkward and painful. I was told that I wouldn't like it. In fact, one girl even told me to just stay abstinent my entire life.
Read Song of Solomon that discusses the marriage bed in a more in depth way.
My wedding night was neither of those things. I just remember feeling loved like never before. How could it be awkward when my husband and I had spent so much time getting to know each other beforehand? I trusted my husband completely and was not in the least bit scared. This made it not so uncomfortable. Despite many thinking losing your virginity isn't as special as it's made to look in movies, the way movies make it look didn't do it justice for me. I will never forget my wedding day and wedding night.
The temptation was always there. We had opportunities where we could have given in and no one would have known. We chose to chose to stand firm. We didn't make this big decision, because our parents wouldn't have approved. It was a personal decision. One we both fully agreed on and stayed firm on.
"Every good and perfect gift is from above,
coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights,
who does not change like shifting shadows."
If I had to, I would have waited years and years for my husband. It was so worth it. I can now love my husband fully, and enjoy the gift God gave us without any guilt.
(The pastor who did our marriage counseling gave us this.
I highly recommend it for all Christian married couples.)
I will never regret my decision. In fact, losing my virginity to my husband was one of the best decisions I ever made.
For those who did end up losing their virginity before marriage but intend on now waiting for their husband, their decision is just as good as mine was. Waiting or pushing away from another sin is never easy, especially after you have already done it; however, it is so worth it. There will always be some form of temptation in our lives, and we just have to keep learning and pushing away from them. Whatever you do in life should always go back to glorifying God.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read my blog! I have another blog page where I post way more frequently on there as well. Check it out @ gracekbianco.medium.com !!
If you have any questions / comments about this blog or any of my other blogs, feel free to reach out. You can message me through the blog, email me, dm me, and/or comment down below. Don’t forget to scroll to the bottom of my website to subscribe to my blog! And as always, you are ALL loved and appreciated!!! <3 <3 <3
PEACE OUT UNTIL NEXT TIME!!!!